darth frosty

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Posts by darth frosty

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  172

  Are You Raising An Introvert?

  by darth frosty in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  its not easy being an introvert in an extrovert worldespecially when youre a kid.

  it is even more difficult if none of the adults in the kids life recognize that the child is an introvert.

  this doesnt happen only when the childs parents are extroverts, but also with introverted parents who have never understood their own introverted nature.. .

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  darth frosty

  Lessons Introverts Need to Learn to Become Leaders

  Some of the most successful people in the world are introverts. Here's how they became leaders!

  

  BY JOHN RAMPTON

  

  Entrepreneur and investor@johnrampton

  2.6k SHARES

  
  

  WRITE A COMMENT

  

  IMAGE: Getty Images

  A leader is best when people barely know he exists. … Of a good leader, who talks little, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: We did it ourselves. --Lao Tzu

  While it might not seems so from the outset, most introverts are in an ideal position to become leaders, because of the nature of their personality. Introversion and extroversion are considered two opposing points on a scale, but in reality, everyone has certain elements of each trait.

  The main difference between the two types of personalities is that introverts tend to keep to themselves, reflecting more on their own psychic conditions, while extroverts are more social, finding inspiration from the world outside themselves. Introverts make excellent leaders, not necessarily by being social, but by applying their keen thoughts, sense of reflection, and attention to detail in all their projects; as well as by forming deeper and more meaningful relationships with their cohorts (everybody knows: small talk is an introvert's anathema).

  According to the Lao Tzu quote above, these qualities also contribute in the work of the best leaders. As such, we have a number of world-renowned leaders who have upended their industries just by relying on the natural advantages of being introverted, such as Barack Obama, Mark Zuckerberg, Richard Branson, and J.K. Rowling.

  Lesson 1. Be vocal about accomplishments

  Regardless of the quality of the work they do, introverts tend to get overlooked because they're not necessarily vocal about their accomplishments. After all, a programmer who quietly keeps to herself is not necessarily going to draw much attention, even if she produces amazing work. Introverts are famously averse to self-promotion, but are fundamentally successful at producing quality work.

  This makes moving up the chain much harder. Introverts need to have a good sense of what they're good at, and be able to step up to defend their accomplishments to nab the positions they want.

  Lesson 2. Foster deeper, more meaningful relationships with primary decision makers

  One misconception of introverts is that they are shy, afraid of socializing, or antisocial, when in fact introverts generate more energy through self-reflection. It's not that they can't talk to people, it's that their energy levels dwindle during times of interaction.

  What this means is that when introverts do form new connections, they tend to dive deeper than superficial small talk and foster more meaningful relationships with the people they talk to. This is their advantage--it allows them to relate in a memorable way to the people they talk to. And by meeting more important people in their companies and sharing their unique ideas, introverts can stand out.

  Lesson 3. Apply the attention to detail and listening skills to contribute more thoughtful ideas into discussions

  A common characteristic among introverts is a more refined attention to detail, and the ability to listen. As they spend so much time in their own heads, they can work out often overlooked aspects of certain projects, and follow their gut to important endpoints.

  It's these qualities that make them valuable members of any team. They think and listen first, and speak second. By harnessing this innate ability in larger discussions that include different points of views, it'll be no time before the people around them start leaning in to hear more.

  Lesson 4. Take time on your own to recharge, but challenge yourself socially every day

  Most introverts feel at their best when they're on their own, so it's important for their well-being to have a certain amount of time in a day set aside to recharge, reflect, and bask in isolation. However, it's equally important that they take some time to challenge themselves socially and in a low-threat situations, like going out to lunch with colleagues and participating more than usual in meetings.

  One rule that known introvert Marissa Mayer uses to help her get through uncomfortable social situations is by glancing at her watch, setting a time for herself, and telling herself, "You are not allowed to leave until this time. If you are still having a terrible time by this time, then you can leave." By forcing herself into that set timeframe, she is challenging herself to get over initial self-consciousness and opening herself up to the situation around her.

  MORE:

  6 Colors That Boost Creativity, Happiness, and Productivity in the Office

  Bill Clinton on How Entrepreneurs Can Transform the Country

  7 Mind-Expanding Lessons From TED Talks on How to Hack Your Own Brain

  3 Reasons Millennials Are Getting Fired

  7 Things the World's Richest People Never Do

  I’ve applied this in my own life. When I’m at a networking event, I always set a time that I can leave. For me this is typically around 30 to 45 minutes after I get there. I can force myself to network as much as possible because I know I don’t have to do it for that long, and this has helped me get over my introvertedness.

  Lesson 5. Use social media, email, and public forums to your best advantage

  Introverts might not be very active socially, but what they miss out on in lost interactions, they make up for in social media. Since introverts are known to communicate better with the written word, particularly behind a screen, it's no surprise that many are extremely savvy in social networking.

  Well, now's a great time to be social network savvy! Having a big list of connections and the ability to write eloquent emails has never been more effective in convincing people of your skills and talents.

  Being an introvert does not mean you cannot be a leader. It simply means you need to learn to play up your strengths
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  39

  Why I have renounced Atheism and become a believer again

  by cantleave in

  1. social
  2. humour

  i have always said that if a god showed itself i would follow the evidence and renounce my atheism.

  i have now seen enough to start believing again, i am so happy, i feel a inner contentment, when he connected with me i really knew it was him.

  if you are not a believer you will not understand this, but trust me, look at the evidence, open your heart to him, let him in and your life will change for the better.

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  darth frosty

  I am always moved by evidence of his noodly appendage.

  http://cdn.niketalk.com/6/66/200x200px-ZC-66e486cf_crying-man.gif
• 
  172

  Are You Raising An Introvert?

  by darth frosty in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  its not easy being an introvert in an extrovert worldespecially when youre a kid.

  it is even more difficult if none of the adults in the kids life recognize that the child is an introvert.

  this doesnt happen only when the childs parents are extroverts, but also with introverted parents who have never understood their own introverted nature.. .

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  darth frosty

  Mannn #5 is the TRUTH!!!

  I have in the last coupla years been trying to have a smile on my face instead of the RBF. Yet I still seemed to fail. Just the other day I was reading an article that said people with an open lip smile are believed to be more trustworthy than those with a closed lip smile?!?

  I thought a smile was a smile...now you want me to actually part my lips SMDH!
• 
  172

  Are You Raising An Introvert?

  by darth frosty in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  its not easy being an introvert in an extrovert worldespecially when youre a kid.

  it is even more difficult if none of the adults in the kids life recognize that the child is an introvert.

  this doesnt happen only when the childs parents are extroverts, but also with introverted parents who have never understood their own introverted nature.. .

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  darth frosty

  I’m Not A B*tch, It’s Just My Face: 7 Struggles Of Introverts With RBF

  SHARE

  

  Jovana Rikalo

  Amanda Mehall on Just The Way You AreAug 3, 2015 • 9:35am

  LIKE US ON FACEBOOK

  Chronic bitch face is a plague running rampant throughout Generation-Y, and the public needs to educate itself.

  Resting bitch face (RBF) can affect anyone of any race, age or class, and it is found predominantly in the female species.

  Generally, we’re good f*cking people. Our genetics just screwed us on initially coming off as friendly and approachable. It’s not our fault.

  RBF, combined with an introverted personality, is the absolute worst, though. We sit in the back of any room looking unenthused as hell, but introverts actually have very busy minds.

  Generally, we’re very thoughtful and creative, and we’re good listeners. Unfortunately, those with RBF are damned with emitting an unapproachable, crotchety aura.

  There are a lot of misconceptions about me and my people, but usually, introverts are not antisocial or automatic assh*les.

  So, don’t be so quick to label the silent one with a disgusted expression as an antisocial bitch. We’re actually secretly wonderful.

  Here are seven struggles only introverts with resting bitch face understand:

  1. Whenever you make new friends, they always open up with, “At first, I thought you didn’t like me.”

  This is typically followed by, “You’d always give me dirty looks.”

  We don’t do it on purpose. We can neither help our natural facial expressions, nor can we really control them.

  Or, we often get, “I didn’t know what you thought of me because you don’t really say anything.” What am I supposed to do, scream from the rooftop I think you’re alright?

  Introverts excel in utilizing body language. (Hint, hint.)

  ---

  2. You always get thrown the “you’re hard to read” card.

  If you think about it, it makes sense. You generally keep your thoughts to yourself, and your RBF is a natural force field, blocking your true emotions from humanity.

  You can be thrilled about something, but you have the same facial expression you do when you’re thinking about banging your head against the wall. You know the difference yourself, but all everyone else sees is that classic RBF.

  ---

  3. Introductions are hell.

  First of all, the introvert in you barely knows what to say to begin with. Then, your b*tch face radiates the “don’t want to be here or around you” vibe, making you come off 110 percent uninterested in almost every situation.

  Creating an uncomfortable feeling for complete strangers is your natural talent.

  ---

  4. At any point in time, someone will think you are mad at him or her.

  Introverts need time alone to recharge their batteries and feel like themselves. We genuinely enjoy being alone sometimes, and it’s nothing personal.

  We don’t always answer our phones right away, so chances are we’re not intentionally ignoring anyone.

  Four unanswered texts and one day later, we’re walking around looking like someone just pissed in our iced latte. It can make anyone ask questions.

  ---

  5. If you don’t want to look miserable, you have to make an exhausting, conscious effort.

  For some odd reason, strangers think it’s totally fine to tell you it wouldn’t hurt you to crack a smile. (Yes, it would.) The introvert just responds with a fake laugh and moves along.

  The line, “It’s just my face,” doesn’t really do you justice anymore. So on most occasions, we just keep it to ourselves, and besides, who really cares?

  Also, the very limited number of times I’ve attempted to not have an RBF and “cracked a smile,” I felt like I looked like some creepy killer plotting my next move. It just doesn’t work, so just embrace the RBF for what it’s worth.

  ---

  6. People outside of your friend group think you’re a complete snob.

  Introverts are more so observers than anything else. We gather information on our surroundings and the people in them, analyze it and make ourselves feel as comfortable as we can. It just so happens we do so with a permanent scowl on our faces.

  I’ve been told multiple times that I can give off the “I think I’m better than everyone else in the room” vibe, which is false in every possible way.

  I’m well aware of my flaws, as one of them not being able to find the off switch to my chronic bitch face.

  ---

  7. Your true emotions only come out when you’re involved with something you’re passionate about.

  Like, hell yes you want to go to Taco Bell! And if some assh*le is messing with one of your best friend’s peace of mind, you have something to say about it. Debates for you are surprisingly a piece of cake, if they concern an issue you basically live to fight for.

  If we show real, raw emotion in front of people, they should embrace it because it’s rare. (Unless it concerns guacamole or something because that’s always pure bliss.)

  The light at the end of the tunnel? Because you seldom voice the endearing thoughts you have buried deep inside your mind, when you compliment someone, he or she automatically knows it’s genuine.

  You wouldn’t say something if it wasn’t true because you don’t really say anything at all to begin with.

  When you first open your mouth, people half expect you to spew a slew of passive aggressive insults formulated to sound inoffensive, but definitely are.

  However, kind words coming from a silent person with RBF syndrome can really put a smile on anyone’s face, even a fellow chronic RBF.
• 
  172

  Are You Raising An Introvert?

  by darth frosty in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  its not easy being an introvert in an extrovert worldespecially when youre a kid.

  it is even more difficult if none of the adults in the kids life recognize that the child is an introvert.

  this doesnt happen only when the childs parents are extroverts, but also with introverted parents who have never understood their own introverted nature.. .

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  darth frosty

  30 Problems That Only Introverts Will Understand

  By Sherlock Pope | Amusing Facts,Awareness,Health

  All of these problems are so true it hurts, at least in my case.

  1. Practicing conversations with people you’ll never talk to.

  2. When you want to cut all ties to civilization but still be on the internet.

  3. When your friend wants to invite more people over, and you don’t want to sound like a bad person by saying no.

  4. When spending a heavenly weekend alone means that you’re missing out on time with friends.

  5. And you fear that by doing so, you are nearing ‘hermit’ status.

  6. When your ride at a party doesn’t want to leave early, and no one seems to understand your distress.

  

  reactiongifs

  7. Trying to be extra outgoing when you flirt so your crush doesn’t think you hate them.

  8. That feeling of dread that washes over you when the phone rings and you’re not mentally prepared to chat.

  9. When you have an awesome night out, but have to deal with feeling exhausted for days after the fact.

  10. People saying “Just be more social.”

  11. When you’re able to enjoy parties and meetings, but after a short amount of time wish you were home in your pajamas.

  

  pleated-jeans

  12. Staying up late every night because it’s the only time that you can actually be alone.

  13. People making you feel weird for wanting to do things by yourself.

  14. Having more conversations in your head than you do in real life.

  15. The need to recharge after social situations.

  16. People calling you out for day dreaming too much.

  17. Carrying a book to a public place so no one will bug you, but other people take that as a conversation starter.

  

  thewhimsytree

  18. People interrupting your thoughts, and you get irrationally angry.

  19. Having to say “I kind of want to spend some time by myself” when you have to deal with that friend that always wants to hang out.

  20. When you’re asked to do a group project, and know that you’re going to hate every minute of it.

  21. When you hear the question “Wanna hang out?” and your palms start to sweat with anxiety.

  22. When you hear, “Are you OK?” or “Why are you so quiet?” for the umpteenth time.

  

  veganmarshmallows / tumblr

  23. Having visitors stay with you is a nightmare, because it means you have to be on at ALL TIMES.

  24. When people stop inviting you places because you’re the one that keeps canceling plans.

  25. Being horrified of small talk, but enjoying deep discussions.

  26. When you need to take breaks and recharge after socializing for too long.

  27. The requirement to think introspectively rather than go to someone else with your problems.

  28. Not wanting to be alone, just wanting to be left alone. And people not understanding that.

  29. When people mistake your thoughtful look for being shy, or worse, moody.

  30. Constantly misunderstood and you know this to be true:

  

  Raven/Lyn / animatedcookiepeople / deviantart

  If you’ve a second, please share this and help your friends understand.
• 
  172

  Are You Raising An Introvert?

  by darth frosty in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  its not easy being an introvert in an extrovert worldespecially when youre a kid.

  it is even more difficult if none of the adults in the kids life recognize that the child is an introvert.

  this doesnt happen only when the childs parents are extroverts, but also with introverted parents who have never understood their own introverted nature.. .

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  darth frosty

  image: http://expandedconsciousness.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/50-620x400.jpg

  

  Here are 50 quotes for the introvert in you:

  1. “I am rarely bored alone; I am often bored in groups and crowds.” ~ Laurie Helgoe
  2. “I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel.” ~ Audrey Hepburn
  3. “You see things. You keep quiet about them and you understand. “ ~ The Perks of Being a Wallflower
  4. “I’m very picky with whom I give my energy to. I prefer to reserve my time, intensity and spirit exclusively to those who reflect sincerity.” ~ Dau Voire
  5. “There is a tremendous difference between alone and lonely. You could be lonely in a group of people. I like being alone. I like eating by myself. I go home at night and just watch a movie or hang out with my dog. I have to exert myself and really say, oh God, I’ve got to see my friends because I’m too content by myself.” ~ Drew Barrymore
  6. “Silence is only frightening to people who are compulsively verbalizing.” ~ William S. Boroughs
  7. “I think a lot, but I don’t say much.” Anne Frank
  8. “People empty me. I have to get away to refill.” ~ C. Bukowski
  9. “Quiet people have the loudest minds.” Stephen Hawking
  10. “In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for constructive use of solitude. One must overcome the fear of being alone.” ~ Rollo May
  11. “Don’t underestimate me because I’m quiet. I know more than I say, think more than I speak and observe more than you know.” ~ Michaela Chung
  12. “What if you love knowledge for its own sake, not necessarily as a blueprint to action? What if you wish there were more, not fewer reflective types in the world.” ~Susan Cain
  13. “Please kindly go away, I’m introverting.” ~ Beth Buelow, The Introvert Entrepreneur
  14. “Everyone shines, given the right lighting.” ~Susan Cain
  15. “A good rule of thumb is that any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment.” ~ Laurie Helgoe
  16. “Introverts crave meaning so party chitchat feels like sandpaper to our psyche.” ~ Diane Cameron
  17. “I am a minimalist. I like saying the most with the least.” ~Bob Newhart
  18. “Let’s clear one thing up: Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.” ~ Laurie Helgoe
  19. “Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind. Be alone—that is the secret of invention: be alone, that is when ideas are born.”~ Nikola Tesla
  20. “The highest form of love is to be the protector of another person’s solitude.” Rainer Maria Rilke
  21. “When you’re an introvert like me and you’ve been lonely for a while, and then you find someone who understands you, you become really attached to them. It’s a real release.” Lana Del Rey
  22. “Stay true to your own nature. If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don’t let others make you feel as if you have to race. If you enjoy depth, don’t force yourself to seek breadth.” ~ Susan Cain
  23. “Introvert conversations are like jazz. Each player gets to solo for a nice stretch before the other player comes in and does his solo.” ~ Laurie Helgoe
  24. “Introverts are word economists in a society suffering from verbal diarrhea.” ~ Michaela Chung
  25. “I want to be alone… with someone else who wants to be alone.” – Dimitri Zaik.
  26. “Our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for a center. So we lost our center and have to find it again.” ~Anais Nin
  27. “Silence is beautiful, not awkward. The human tendency to be afraid of something beautiful is awkward.” ~Elliot Kay
  28. “After an hour or two of being socially on, we introverts need to turn off and recharge … This isn’t antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression.” Jonathan Rauch
  29. “Your solitude will be a support and a home for you, even in the midst of very unfamiliar circumstances, and from it you will find all your paths.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
  30. “There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.” ~Susan Cain
  31. “I talked to a calzone for fifteen minutes last night before I realized it was just an introverted pizza. I wish all my acquaintances were so tasty.
” ~ Jarod Kintz
  32. “The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some it’s a Broadway spotlight, for others, a lamplit desk.” ~ Susan Cain
  33. “As a child I suppose I was not quite normal. My happiest times were when I was left alone in the house on a Saturday.” ~ Charles Bukowski
  34. “In terms of, like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.” ~John Mulaney
  35. “Blessed are those who do not fear solitude, who are not afraid of their own company, who are not always desperately looking for something to do, something to amuse themselves with, something to judge.” ~ Paulo Coelho
  36. “I was just confused about why I was feeling overwhelmed all the time and trying to adjust to having people work for me. Surprisingly, I think if you’re known on the Internet, you’re probably an introvert.” ~ Felicia Day
  37. “’Come out of your shell’ – that noxious expression which fails to appreciate that some animals naturally carry shelter everywhere they go and some humans are just the same.” ~ Susan Cain
  38. “I don’t have time for superficial friends, I suppose if you’re really lonely you can call a superficial friend, but otherwise, what’s the point? ~ Courtney Cox
  39. “I owe everything that I have done to the fact that I am very much at ease being alone.” ~ Marilynne Robinson
  40. “[Introverts] listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror for small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.” ~ Susan Cain
  41. “My imagination functions much better when I don’t have to speak to people.” ~ Patricia Highsmith
  42. “For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating.” ~ Jonathan Rauch
  43. “Beware of those who seek constant crowds; they are nothing alone.” ~Charles Bukowski
  44. “I’m self-sufficient. I spend a lot of time on my own and I shut off quite easily. When I communicate, I communicate 900 per cent; then I shut off, which scares people sometimes.” ~ bjork
  45. “Loneliness is failed solitude.” Sherry Turkle
  46. A happy life must be to a great extent a quiet life, for it is only in an atmosphere of quiet that true joy dare live. ~ Bertrand Russell
  47. “Whatever kind of introvert you are, some people will find you ‘too much’ in some ways and ‘not enough’ in others.” ~ Laurie Helgoe
  48. “A wise man once said nothing.” ~ Proverb
  49. “Don’t think of introversion as something that needs to be cured…Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to.”~ Susan Cain
  50. “In an extroverted society, the difference between an introvert and an extrovert is that an introvert is often unconsciously deemed guilty until proven innocent.” ~ Criss Jami

  
  Read more at http://expandedconsciousness.com/2015/04/08/50-inspiring-quotes-for-introverts/#IwWeLCwyvh3kXhhi.99
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  13

  Falling asleep at the meeting

  by JakeM2012 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  this brings back memories.. https://instagram.com/p/0n8sxirizd/.

  .

  https://instagram.com/p/0n8sxirizd/?taken-by=marcusastanley.

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  darth frosty

  I used to sleep when I was the watchtower reader...;-)
• 
  33

  "Salvation" By Langston Hughes

  by darth frosty in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  "salvation".

  by langston hughes.

  i was saved from sin when i was going on thirteen.

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  darth frosty

  Would have been 113 today Happy birthday!!!
• 
  172

  Are You Raising An Introvert?

  by darth frosty in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  its not easy being an introvert in an extrovert worldespecially when youre a kid.

  it is even more difficult if none of the adults in the kids life recognize that the child is an introvert.

  this doesnt happen only when the childs parents are extroverts, but also with introverted parents who have never understood their own introverted nature.. .

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  darth frosty

  What you should know before moving in with an introvert

  Date

  January 18, 2015 - 12:00AM

  • 116 reading now

  Wendy Squires

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  Leave me alone sometimes or I turn into a crabby cow, says Wendy Squires. Photo: Stocksy

  Looking back on my most enduring relationship, lasting nearly a decade, I see where I have been going wrong since.

  My ex and I were young and in love, saving to scrape together our first piece of real estate, which ended up being a run-down cottage we adored. In between swooning about pressed metal ceilings (rusted, but that's another story) and the tiny established garden out back, I spied what was really the most attractive part of the home for me – a small spare room.

  You see, I am an introvert. I like people, and most of the time I enjoy socialising. I just need time to recharge after being around others and that means being alone.

  

  Wendy Squires: "I'm an introvert. I need time to recharge." Photo: Mike Baker

  While extroverts re-energise in company, it can only happen for me in solitude. Without it, I tend to wilt. Okay, I turn into an unhinged harridan, similar to when woken mid-REM sleep by a dreaded, chirpy, morning person telling me I'm missing the so-called "best part of the day".

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  I need time alone, damn it, and if I don't get it, those closest to me, especially a beleaguered beloved, likely will. It's not as if I want to be a crabby cow, it's just that I've learnt through trial and error that if I become deprived of alone time I become devoid of patience. (Just as well I'm not a mother, I hear you rumble. Don't worry, I agree!)

  The other thing I've realised is necessary for me to remain rational in relationships is to retain an element of mystery. When I have a clothing crisis and pull out dozens of outfits while crying that I have nothing to wear, I don't need anyone to witness my madness or ask me what was wrong with the first choice.

  Just like when I sit back on a Sunday night in a mud face mask, enjoying the gross pleasure of scraping dry skin off my heels, I prefer to do so in private. So far, any man I've known who has witnessed this event readily agrees it's best kept to a one-hander. Hence, my passionate penchant for a room away from view. And for many years, that tiny room in that creaky old cottage, with its fold-out couch and funky desk I found in a council clean-up, was my sanctuary.

  As much as I loved curling up in that safe, soft place where my man's arm met his shoulder, when he wanted to sleep and I wanted to read, potter, answer emails and/or toss and turn at will, that spare room was a godsend. Just as when that man of my dreams was snoring (why is the volume always louder when they've been at the pub?) and passing wind with the unmistakable odour of kebab, it was nice to pad off down the hall to the other room, one that didn't smell like old RSL carpet or sound like gravel in a blender.

  Apart from saving fights, I also believe having personal space enhanced our romance. In all the years I lived with my partner, despite the spare room, we rarely slept apart. But if we did fall asleep away from each other, a quiet tap on the door asking can we snuggle was always warmly welcome - a choice rather than a given. And sex seemed spicier, away from the predictability of the same old bed.

  Now, whenever my girlfriends tell me they're moving in with a man, the first thing I suggest is they commandeer a room to themselves if they can, or at least have a bolthole to hide and indulge in secret women's business. If there's somewhere you can be alone to just do whatever it is you need, I reckon your relationship, and peace of mind, will be a lot healthier for it.

  You see, when we bought that house, it also had a backyard shed, which was immediately seized by my partner, also an introvert. There, he would hide and renew, ruminate, relax and write, allowing me to do the same.

  We both understood the importance of privacy and space. And we both wanted our relationship to work, long-term. And for my longest while, it did. 
• 
  172

  Are You Raising An Introvert?

  by darth frosty in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  its not easy being an introvert in an extrovert worldespecially when youre a kid.

  it is even more difficult if none of the adults in the kids life recognize that the child is an introvert.

  this doesnt happen only when the childs parents are extroverts, but also with introverted parents who have never understood their own introverted nature.. .

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  darth frosty

  This was an interesting question/discussion posed on Quora:

  What is it like to be an introvert and have social skills?

  e, Entrepreneur | Investor | Conn...
  

  IIt's like my hidden secret when I'm out and about.
  
  No one knows that after 5 hours of meeting and greeting people I'm going to feel like a zombie for the next day. Or that it took me about 3 years of practice in order to learn how to begin and engage in an enjoyable conversational experience.
  
  It makes me feel like I hacked the system because I also used to be in the same boat of socially awkward introverts.
  
  In my high school days, I used to hate presentations for class. I remember dreading that feeling when all eyes are on you, watching every movement you make, and hoping that you don't do something stupid or have food stuck between your teeth.
  
  I tried my best to avoid all unnecessary social interaction. Family gatherings were stressful; the formality of greeting aunties and uncles was something I'd happily do without.
  
  Talking to strangers was a big no-no. 
  
  Asking for directions or even calling for a waiter made me anxious.
  
  And talking to girls that I didn't already know was a psychological nightmare.
  
  Getting over my insecurity was the first step (I share about my journey here), and then reading How to Win Friends and Influence People (free online copy) gave me a basic framework for social interaction and tools to use in conversation.
  
  After about a year of trial and error, I concluded that the most effective approach was not a set/sequence of questions or lines, but a disposition ofcuriosity.
  
  It's the same attitude you'd carry when you catch up with an old friend. None of the dialogue is scripted or prepared, but because you are curious about what has happened since the last time you've talked, you naturally ask questions and take the time to discover the story.
  
  I'll talk to our janitor, the banker setting up my account, seatmates on an airplane, Uber drivers, bus drivers, taxi drivers, and shuttle drivers. The goal of most of my conversations with strangers is to discover:
  

  • How they ended up where they are -- Was it by choice? Is this an interim position? Did they stumble upon this? Is it all leading to something?
  • Do they enjoy where they are at? If yes, what about it is enjoyable to them? If not, what would they rather be doing?

  Of course, each person I meet is unique, so if curiosity drives the conversation, it'll often deviate from the initial goal that I have. 
  
  
  One time, I was on a plane from San Diego to San Jose and I spoke with an Indian man who was a father and engineer based in SD who was about to move to San Jose. He grew up in Ethiopia in a gated community and grew up at a private school. Most of his friends' parents were wealthy business owners and most of his friends ended up inheriting the business. 
  
  I asked him about child-raising and how there's a tendency for a family's wealth to be gone by the 3rd generation. He confirmed it with his frustration that his children and friends' children were all spoiled and don't have much interest in the family business. We talked the entire flight. 
  
  
  Another time, I was donating blood and I asked my phlebotomist if she planned to be a phlebotomist since day 1. She laughed and told me she needed a switch after being a drug abuse counselor in the Tenderloin for 10 years. I asked her, "Who are the most impressionable people you interacted with during that time?"
  
  She told me about an 18-year-old prostitute who was HIV positive butgenuinely didn't know it was transmittable even through anal sex (she had slept with hundreds of men, most of whom were married). 
  
  She told me about an innocent-looking kindergarten teacher who was addicted to coke and heroin and had asked, "How long will this session take? I need to get back to teach."
  
  She told me about a prostitute who had 5 children and charged $5 to her clients... for the whole 9-yards. And as a drug abuse counselor, her first goal was to build up this lady's self esteem so she could feel o-k about charging more. 
  
  
  The thing I've realized over the years is that people are very interesting. And if I take the time to discover peoples' stories, more often than not, my mind is blown by the depth of the human experience.
  
  
  ---
  
  
  How to Win Friends and Influence People, as mentioned above is the first resource I always recommend, but I would say The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane did a very good job of building on that foundation for me. 
  
  I did a short review of it here along with a link to pretty thorough summary of the book here: Brandon Lee's answer to What can I do within a month to become more charismatic?

  
  

  Chris Skuller, Forever in Awe of the Universe
  

  This describes me pretty well. Now-a-days, I'm very good at quickly making friends and people seem to enjoy my company, but I greatly prefer to spend time by myself.
  
  It's not that I don't like people, I just prefer spending time with my thoughts. To me, it feels like it takes a considerable amount of my energy to stay in constant contact with people; even my good friends. Like I can't quite relax with others around. I have thought about why this is and here's what I came up with. 
  
  This feeling is tied to the systematic way I use to solve my problems.When I was a little kid, I wasn't great at talking to people because my interests always seemed to be different from most others around me. I felt like an alien and I didn't have many friends. This bothered me so I studied what people more popular than me did. I watched how they acted and tried to mimic their behavior, approaching this situation as a problem to be solved. This took considerable effort on my part. It felt like work.
  
  Over time, as I gained more friends, I figured out how to adapt this learned behavior into something of my own, but I was left with certain remnant feelings: interacting with others takes work.
  
  So I guess the answer to your question, it feels like using my social skills slowly but steadily expends my energy and after a while, I have to go back home to recharge.

    

  Anna Butler
  

  First of all, while more introverts may appear to be shy or socially awkward, introversion really has nothing to do with social aptitude. It's to do with how we process information and how we "re-energise". Introverts tend to process the world internally and require quiet time with minimal interaction to re-charge, while extroverts process the world externally (bouncing ideas and thoughts off others) and gain energy around other people.
  

  
  As an introvert, I've always been quite good socially... I just need plenty of time to mentally prepare for, and recover from, social events. I also ensure I can come and leave on my own terms, and limit how many social engagements I attend over a short period of time (late Oct to New Year's is always a challenge with lots of parties and events on).
  
  But once I've committed to an event, I can be incredibly chatty and engaging. I even have a reputation for throwing excellent parties (attention to detail and a few simple tricks make all the difference). 
  
  The only real downside is that people who don't know me very well assume I'm always like that, so when I decline invitations because I'm pacing myself, or don't have enough "prep" time (I like at least a week's notice) they don't get it, and sometimes take it personally (and don't believe me when I explain I'm an introvert... "You're not an introvert! You're too bubbly to be an introvert!") Even my dear husband - who is an extrovert - struggles to understand why sometimes I'd rather stay home with a book... NEED to stay home with a book. 
  
  I really enjoy socialising when I've made the decision to do so, and can be quite the social butterfly... but if I'm not in the right head space, it drains me really quickly and I end up wanting to leave very early, or falling asleep in a corner ;-)

    

  Marti LaChance, One big experiment
  

  At a very young age I realized that exposing my social discomfort only doubled my mortification -- I felt awful AND others could tell -- so I taught myself to compensate. 
  

  
  The upside. Like most people who have good social skills, I greatly appreciate having the ability to schmooze, make small-talk, and generally engage others in the public sphere. I rarely feel awkward in groups or meeting new people; in fact, I'm good at drawing out other introverted, shy people.
  
  The downside. Weirdly, the longer I know people casually, say from the office, the more difficult it is to reveal my nerdy, singular self. For instance, I detest the office birthday party, a ritual that (apparently) most people enjoy. Still, if some officious individual discovers my birthday and insists that the group "celebrate" it, I have to act like I don't mind. In order to prevent others from seeing my discomfort, I have to act like a phony.
  
  In short, having social skills is tremendously important for getting on in life, but being a closet introvert makes it difficult to form real friendships.

    

  Catherine Martin, Social Media Marketer, Freelan...
  

  I tested on the severe side of introversion, but I have mad social skills. I'm a social media marketer. 
  

  
  Just because I can hold my own among the extroverts all around me, doesn't mean I prefer to. When possible, I like to be alone. :-)

    

  Alice Chauvel, Fan of all things Media
  

  Exhausting. The thing about introversion (at least in an MBTI sense) is that you draw energy from yourself rather than others. I love interacting with people - it's when I learn the most about myself, others, and the world - but I find it very draining (especially in large groups) and often need to isolate myself afterwards to recharge. 
  

  
  However, it's also extremely gratifying. I've always been a sociable (if quiet) person and I love being around people, even just as an observer. As a child, my quietness would often be mistaken for standoffishness, but over the years, I've learned to push myself out of my comfort zone and communicate clearly that just because I'm being quiet does not mean I'm not interested - quite the contrary. 
  
  I think the problem with introversion is that we feel like we suffer  through interactions that are inflicted upon us and out of our control -  but that does not need to be the case. Like Brandon Lee, being  naturally curious has helped me enormously because I'm genuinely  interested in what people have to say. However, I wasn't always good at  communicating that. 
  
  I'm still most comfortable when in my dark little corner filled with manga, films, and books, but I love being around people too much to stay there. So occasionally I poke my head out. And if it means stepping out of my comfort zone and taking risks (what if I say the wrong thing?!), then so be it. Don't get me wrong - it's been a gradual process, I'm still learning, and it still causes me a great deal of anxiety, but overall, I'm a much happier person for it. 
  
  Learning to be more outgoing (because it's not about social skills as such, it's about reaching out to others) has allowed me to connect with many amazing people including introverts who would have been too shy to reach out to me had I not reached out to them, and extroverts who would have otherwise thought I wasn't interested.

    

  Giulia Frontoni
  

  It feels like people around me are fascinating masses of useful knowledge that can help me enrich my personality, experience and art. I have learnt how to behave so that conflict is avoided and comfortable situations are created, I know what works and what doesn't and I apply this knowledge so that I'm not distracted by hostility or miscommunication while I interact with people. All this useful "data" is stored to be used later when I'm finally alone with my projects. I don't consciously do this and I don't see people as tools to my advancement: I have respect and genuinely like learning more about people. But I realized everything, everything I do, deep inside, has that final goal: creating and improving. On my own. 
  

  Those are the most exilarating feelings to me.
  
  I don't look for interactions with people, but that happens, especially if you travel a lot. It used to stress me out, but I had to adapt: being forced to often move in and out of the city/country taught me how to develop a friendly, confident and welcoming attitude towards strangers. I've become good at small talk and making new people feel comfortable around me. I like people. I don't mind interacting; it feeds my ideas and and creativity, and these new "discoveries" can be applied later when I can go back to my sweet, personal artistic activities. Interacting helps me see new points of view and improve myself. 
  I honestly enjoy company and I'm not afraid of strangers, but I'm just not especially interested in them. Prolonged contact, unless it's with close friends (and even with them, I like relatively small doses), makes me long my alone time with my hobbies and interests and creative efforts. 
  
  My only big exception is my partner. We're both like that and after almost three years we can't seem to get enough of each other!

    

  Rob PG Moya, simple soul
  

  It feels like learning a new skill and being amazed at how well you're doing it for the first or umpteenth time. Like seeing how long you can last in the lion's den at the same time being fully aware of the pride's reactions. It feels exhilarating and after it is all done, the looking back at the moment is very nice.
  

    

  Carrie Obermeyer, MS in Psychology, MAS in Compu...
  

  Just like anything else:  Practice, practice, practice.
  
  I am an extreme introvert, and I used to shake in my shoes when giving presentations, despite giving them through a BA and an MS.  However, I was asked to be the graduate assistant for a programming in psych class, where the professor taught the logic portion, and I taught the coding portion.  I was scared to death, but after about week 3, I had gotten to know the students, and it was like talking with friends.
  
  Later, I found a job in Student Services at a local technical college, where I was required to teach one class per quarter.  I ended up with a speech class the first quarter, which was a joke, because once again, I was scared to death.  Fortunately for me, I had a terrible cold, and my voice was shot.   None of the students could tell how nervous I was.
  
  Eventually, I started teaching full-time, and it got easier every quarter.  I taught programming, medical transcription and psychology.  I still get nervous on the first day of the quarter, which is why I make the students do most of the talking, telling me about themselves.  That way, I feel like I know them well enough to not be so nervous.
  
  The more I taught, the easier it became.  I started deriving pleasure from those "light bulb" moments, when a student finally understands a difficult concept.  I actually had several students *thank* me for a lecture in psychology!  
  
  I still need a lot of quiet time alone, and am lucky enough to have a roommate who understands.
  
  A suggestion:  Ask a friend to invite you to dinner with a small number of friends.  Try to have a conversation with at least one of them.  Ask these people about themselves; most people love it when you ask them to talk about themselves.  Watch the other people in the group interact, and try to emulate them.  If it doesn't help, it's okay, because you might never see any of them.  If it goes well, you may have made good friends!  You can also agree on some signal with your friend to intervene if you start feeling overwhelmed.
  
  The more you socialize, the better you get at it.  Ease yourself into it.  If you still feel self-conscious, talk to a professional, who can guide you through the process of systematic desensitization, which is helpful for treating phobias.  Medication is also an option for treating social phobias, or you could join a therapy or self-help group, where everyone else feels just as you do, so they will be gentler with you than most other people will.
  
  But don't give up.  Positive interactions will reinforce your ability to socialize.

    

  Anonymous
  

  I am an introvert. (The anonymity proves it, he he he)! I always wanted to have social skills. For example, every time I see something in videos, like, a person cleaning the waste of the road by himself, I wanted to do the same. But in real time, I will not do it because I feel to do it when no one is around and that doesn't happen. It is quite difficult to improve social skills.